


Passing On Old Tricks

by Fateweaver



Series: Glitched Parents [1]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Dadbrine, Gen, I starve for Dadbrine content, Lick and Blue Steve are only mentioned, Shitass - Freeform, hey shitass want a family?, what have my life came to for me to write shitass fanfiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:08:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27587927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fateweaver/pseuds/Fateweaver
Summary: Herobrine. Entity 303. Null. These names had most likely faded from memory. You most likely hadn’t heard of them for so long now, you forgot they even existed.Shitass. A new ghost haunting the codes of Minecraft. His legend spread like wildfire, eventually evolving into a meme that includes making videos that will destroy your eardrums. You’d be mistaken if you think he hadn’t had a teacher, or perhaps multiple teachers, in order to reach such potential.(Herobrine & co raising Shitass to continue their legacy)(I need more Dadbrine)(Rated Teen because the guys have no profanity filter)
Relationships: Entity 303 (Minecraft) & Shitass (Minecraft), Family Dynamic - Relationship, Herobrine (Minecraft) & Shitass (Minecraft), No Romantic Relationship(s), Null (Minecraft) & Shitass (Minecraft)
Series: Glitched Parents [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2016670
Comments: 2
Kudos: 17





	Passing On Old Tricks

**Author's Note:**

> AU INFO:  
> There are three realms concerned: Cyberspace, Minecraft the Game, and Minecraftia.
> 
> Cyberspace is basically the Internet. You can access most anywhere just by travelling through it. One downside: It’s hugely chaotic and dangerous to traverse.
> 
> Minecraft the Game is literally just a videogame. Minecraft Legends haunts its codes and invades worlds once in a while, since being made out of code themselves, but they hang around Minecraftia most of the time.
> 
> Minecraftia is real life Minecraft. With real life mechanics, and MCYT personas as humans/Minecraftians there. Quite a few creepypastas noted that, but didn’t say anything, assuming it’s something to do with Cyberspace.

It was just a casual day for Herobrine, the infamous ghost of Minecraft, just wandering the codes of the game he’s haunting. Taking a trip down to visit older versions of Java, and even Bedrock, being hit with a wave of nostalgia. Nowadays, very few people believed in him. They brushed off his work as world generation glitches. They brushed him off as a legend while the few who caught him when he was being clumsy had grown up and moved on from the game. He missed the times when simply having his name muttered among conversations would bring up fear and people would be so terrified of him they quit the game for months at a time. He missed the times when he and his friends would roam the worlds, griefing and causing glitches with their signature moves: redstone torches, signs, leafless forests……

It was when Herobrine was reminiscing the times that he spotted a stray code. Someone similar to him. His interest was immediately piqued. It has been so long since there was something, or anything at all, that was built because of some sort of glitch in the system, or a ghost, to some players. It has to be fairly new, too. Herobrine had wandered these codes for so long and so frequently. He would’ve known if the stray code was there earlier.

So he investigated, creeping closer, unsure if the stray code was friendly. The moment he closed onto the code, Herobrine was taken aback. The code took the form of a little boy with black hair, black eyes and peach skin. He wore red shorts and a short sleeved blue shirt. The boy looked scared and terrified, hugging his knees close to his chest, tears brimming in his eyes.

Herobrine knelt in front of the boy, who flinched back, eyes wide. Herobrine didn’t say anything, only reaching his hand out in a reassuring gesture, his glowing white eyes not radiating danger, but kindness. The boy hesitated, Herobrine could tell the boy knew that Herobrine was the same kind as he was. Codes that Mojang had never intended to exist.

“Hey kid,” Herobrine said, voice deep and rough but gentle at the same time, “I’m not going to hurt you. Mojang can’t erase you while I’m here. You can relax, okay?” The boy nodded after a moment of consideration.

“I’m Herobrine, do you have a name?” Herobrine continued. The boy shook his head. Well, at least the boy didn’t have a bad name like Entity 303. Null gave his own name and frankly, it sounded a lot better than Entity 303. Herobrine and Null had teased Entity over his name for such a long time before the other Entities started showing up, like Entity 030 for example. Lick’s name was just as bad in Herobrine’s opinion, but the dude had a tendency to throw knives and TNT absolutely everywhere when provoked so Herobrine kept his mouth shut.

“I have a place where people like us can be safe,” Herobrine offered the boy an invitation, “Granted, most of us are reckless little shits and don’t stay there often, but it’s definitely safe and under Mojang’s radar. You want to come with me?” The boy nodded enthusiastically. Herobrine felt a grin grow on his face as he ruffled the boy’s hair and grabbed his wrist.

“Come on then!” He laughed, “Getting dragged by me with lightning speeds is an initiation of sorts!” Without warning, he took off, dragging the boy behind him.

\---

“Can the kid even talk?” Null waved a hand in front of the boy, who only blinked in response. 

“Give him time,” Herobrine handed the boy a single baked potato. The boy took it and gobbled it right up with the hunger of a thousand wolves. Null laughed.

“He’s hungry,” Null chuckled, then fished out a bit of coal and some raw meat, glancing at his smoker. “Hey shitass, wanna see me cook?”

“Language! He’s a kid, Null! A  _ kid! _ ” Entity 303 yelled from the couch.

“Shit…… Ass?” The boy spoke up. Null dissolved into roaring laughter as Entity glared at him. Herobrine joined Null after the boy’s words settled in.

“Oh my Code,” Null wheezed, “The kid’s first word is fucking  _ Shitass.  _ Oh my Code this is great. This is great. Holy shit.  _ Shitass. _ ” Herobrine was too busy cry-laughing to respond.

“I like Shitass,” The boy continued, innocence leaking in, “Nice sounding.” Null couldn’t stop himself but cry, tears spilling out of his eyes as he fell to the floor clutching his stomach. Entity looked at the boy in horror.

“Please don’t tell me you’re making this your name,” Entity begged. 

“Can my name be Shitass?” The boy asked. Herobrine wheezed as he knelt on the floor and gave the boy a thumbs up.

“Sure you can,” Herobrine wheezed, “Sure you can, kid. Sure.”

“The kid is going to get teased by the two of you for the rest of eternity,” Entity grumbled, “There’s no turning back now.”

\---

“Hey Shitass, you ever heard of speedrun?” Null clapped the boy, Shitass, at the shoulder. He was no longer a boy like when Herobrine first found him. He now looked twelve, or thirteen. Shitass didn’t seem to regret his name choice, much to the dismay of Entity 303, who both Herobrine and Null dubbed Mom given the way he acts.

“Yep,” Shitass replied, “Looks fun. Jean is going to be mad at me though.”

“Jean is mad enough at every speedrunner heading her way,” Null shrugged, “Plus, Daddy Hero and Mommy Entity got your back. Uncle Null will sit back and watch the chaos unfold your other uncles.”

“Would I be the first speedrunning demon of a Minecraft Creepypasta?” Shitass wondered out loud.

“You could be.”

\---

“Shitass picks up on a lot of skills much too fast,” Null commented one day, “He mastered speedrunning in  _ three months.  _ It would normally take years to reach his level of skill. All it took was me saying: Hey Shitass, wanna see me speedrun?”

“To be fair he did become a pretty good cook after you dared him back when he was a child,” Entity pointed out, “I think we found his perk. I’m a hacker. Hero’s a ghost and makes everyone in his presence terrified, plus he is Notch’s oh so precious little brother. Null is a Herobrine knockoff-”

“You take that back!” Null yelled, lunging forward while Entity lazily stepped to the side. Null fell onto the couch Entity was on. Hero watched, calmly sipping on his coffee. He’s not going to deal with those two idiots without caffeine.

“He picks up on things incredibly fast?” Herobrine waited until the two stopped roughhousing enough to continue the conversation, “And all it takes is taunting him with the phrase ‘Hey Shitass, wanna see me do--’ ? You know, this is some really good potential for our kid, and Null please have Blue Steve drop by more. His coffee is legendary.”

Entity 303 squeaked at the mention of Herobrine calling Shitass  _ our  _ kid. He picked up on it and snorted. Null had to bite back laughter.

“C’mon Entity. I picked the kid up from Cyberspace. You’ve been Mothering him. Null has been hanging out with the kid. He’s like our son and you please stop lying to yourself. He looks at us like we’re his parents,” Herobrine took another sip of his coffee, “Get your head out of the gutter, Entity. I’m fuckin straight.”

“Fuck you. Ever heard of homiesexual?” Entity waved a black, smoking finger threateningly towards Herobrine’s direction, who only took a long sip of his coffee in response. Entity huffed in annoyance, and Herobrine lost his composure and spat out his coffee as he coughed. Null grinned.

“I’m heading to babysit Shitass,” He waved before a black, smoking ring appeared. He stepped through and disappeared. Entity sighed.

“I’m not cleaning that up,” Entity added. Herobrine flipped him the finger before he disappeared in a shower of red.

\---

“Mom couldn’t make it cause he has business with Mojang employees,” Herobrine gave Shitass a small nudge, body lined with pride, “But he sends his love and wish of good luck-” He winced at Entity’s yelling in his ear. Damn it. The man, being a hacker, means he has weird abilities that Hero’s not sure how it works at times, only that it has something to do with Code directly.

“He just yelled in your ear?” Shitass chuckled as Herobrine patted his ear, hearing it ring. He flipped the bird into empty space, knowing that if Entity was paying attention he’d see it. A faint laughter travelled its way into Herobrine’s ear.

“Ow,” Herobrine mumbled. Shitass laughed at the men equivalent to his parents’ antics. He still wore a blue shirt and red shorts. Despite this silly outfit, he could look quite menacing if he wanted to and if he suddenly appeared in your game. He wanted to pop in some 7 year old’s world, his name composed of cuss words. Either it would scare the absolute shit out of the kid, or cause him to land heavy trouble with their parents asking what his name meant.

“Eh, you’ll be fine!” Null swung an arm over Shitass, “I remember the first time I popped over. Pretty overwhelming knowing people who don’t know shit about you, but it’s not too different from the practices.”

“Pff, I remember the false rivalry we had set up between us to get the conspiracy theorists’ brains running,” Herobrine laughed at the memory, “Got them pretty convinced too. I think it’s still up on your Minecraft Creepypasta Wiki page.”

“Lick didn’t like that source,” Null grinned, “It didn’t have a page on him and he’s salty.”

“He can suck it,” Herobrine chuckled before turning his attention to Shitass once again, “You’ll do great! I and uncle Null might disown you but your Mother Entity 303 sure as Nether wouldn’t.” He braced himself for another yell in his ear. Entity only sent a defeated sigh. 

_ “Really? That joke’s a little too old.” _

“Mother Entity 303 is a joke that will never go old,” Herobrine yelled into the wind. The people present were used to Entity talking in Herobrine’s ear privately. Null snickered while Shitass’s nerves relaxed for a little.

“I’ll see you guys!” Shitass grinned before moving to step in the portal.

Just mere seconds before he was transported, he heard Null’s voice call out, “Hey Shitass, wanna see me do creepypasta stuff?”

The taunt and statement emboldened Shitass as his nervous grin turned into a genuine one, his act of being confident slipping away from an act turning into genuine confidence. He got this. His family might have been long since seen and considered legitimate and note glitches, but  _ he,  _ Shitass, will continue their legacy. 

After all, that’s what they do. Passing on old tricks and inventing new ones.


End file.
